notes from a cold place
by Marla
1.
Out
here people are quick to take notice
of warmth: smiles,
words, hugs, any new form
of heat to thaw the
snow on the ground,
the frost in the
air, handshakes. That day I noticed
how your cheeks
were flushed and there was
a coarse chill in
your voice, but your fingers
were warm, as if
you had been
roasting
marshmallows all night, or rubbing
your palms together
in hopes
of starting a fire
that we can dance around.
Where I’m from, you said, the sun
is always shining, and weather
that doesn’t scorch
or sting is rare, a gift. All I heard was, I’m sorry;
where I’m from is not
where
you are. Do not love me
yet.
2.
We held hands on
benches, on the streets,
in grubby diners
while truck drivers
eyed us out of jealousy,
or perhaps concern;
through their
sleepy stares and the fog rising
from their coffee
cups, they could see
right through us.
We held hands in churches,
in tents,
underneath threadbare blankets, beside
picnic baskets
perched on the living room floor (it was
never safe to bring
the bagels and cheese
outside, the apple
cider in cinnamon red mugs).
When
our fingers were locked, as if guarding
a secret, or
keeping
a promise, we
didn't feel the need to do
anything else—speak, or kiss, or make
plans,
or whatever was supposed
to come next—it was more than enough
that your hands
were the first signs
of spring in the
long winter of my life.
3.
Surely where you’re
from
people shiver, too,
in joyful
anticipation, in fear.
4.
I bundled up when
you left: two shirts,
an indigo jacket, a
coat from my uncle,
thermal underwear,
dark heavy
pants, thick socks.
Layers, like an onion
or a wedding cake.
Gloves.
The
gum-snapping, hip-popping waitress
at the diner said, Someone’s dressed for distress.
5.
On
certain nights I imagine you waking up
in your corner of
the world where there are
only two seasons:
hot and hotter,
and in my mind you
always greet the day
by stretching your
arms over your head, your hands
reaching above and
beyond, radiating warmth
all the way to
where I lay, about to build
a bridge to rest.
